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Mental Health – Voices

“You don’t want anybody that’s going to push hate and negativity into your life, so just live for yourself and do not worry too much.”
Olympia, WA
I figured out that I was trans spring of my freshman year. I knew a couple trans kids from high school, so I reached out to them and they really helped me start to figure it out. I was never reluctant to accept it; I was fine with whatever was happening.

My biggest issue was not being sure of myself. I would say for, probably for two years, it was a period of time where I was just unsure of who I was. I didn’t know.

Was I a boy, a girl, gay, not gay? And not that it really should matter but it did to me. I wanted those labels for myself.

In the last year or so though, I’ve kind of come to terms with having less of a label and just being me. It’s definitely taken a lot of pressure off. I’m just here, I’m me and I do what I do.

I’ve struggled with mental health issues since I was in high school, before I even realized I was trans. I’ve been in therapy for a little over three years, on and off antidepressants. I’ve been diagnosed with depression and anxiety as well as some mild Obsessive–compulsive disorder (OCD).

But for the most part, my mental health has been unaffected by my transition. Since starting my transition, my depression has improved, whether that’s coincidence or not, I’m not sure.

To cope with depression and anxiety, I reached out to friends and spent a lot of time in the gym. Things that get myself out of my head are what helps the most.

I don’t consider myself even remotely close to being done transitioning. I still have a long road ahead of me and regardless of my medical transition, I will always be learning and growing as a person. Trying to figure out my place in this world.

But like I said, my depression has gotten better since starting my transition, but my anxiety has gotten worse. I am so lucky that I have so much support, though. I have almost two separate support groups.

I have the people here at school and the people at home. Everybody is super supportive, which has taken a lot of pressure off and relieved a lot of anxiety.

Coming out to people at home, I think, was harder, not because I thought they would react badly, but because I’ve known these people so long and the idea of family and life-long friends not accepting you is beyond scary, even when you know they’re going to. They’re all still very accepting but it definitely took them a little longer to get caught up on names and pronouns since they’ve known me so long but still very supportive which again, was a huge relief.

I always talk to a lot of other trans guys and the biggest thing I always tell them is that you kind of just have to live for yourself and be yourself. If somebody out there doesn’t want to accept that, then that’s not someone you want in your life.

And I know that’s hard to accept sometimes, especially, if it’s friends or family but you don’t want anybody that’s going to push hate and negativity into your life. So just live for yourself and do not worry too much. Whatever is meant to happen, will happen.

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